Uncooked Cards
Uncooked BirthdayUncooked Birthday Cards
it's your birthday and quite honestly, you've never looked better. well, obviously you looked better a few years ago but what can you do. |
Uncooked LoveUncooked Love Cards
on a scale of 1 - 10 you're a 9. not because you're not a 10 but because 9 rhymes with mine which is what you are |
Uncooked FriendshipUncooked Friendship Cards
not that i do weird things like bleach my lip hair or pee on myself in the shower but if i did you're the only person i would tell |
Uncooked SorryUncooked Sorry Cards
i'd rather jam dried fruit into my eye sockets than have you stay mad at me. |
Uncooked AnniversaryUncooked Anniversary Cards
its our anniversary and i'm so happy i'm not bored or tired of you. i thought for sure by now i would be. |
Uncooked CongratulationsUncooked Congratulations Cards
i'm so glad you found happiness in another person and not other things like booze or smack. |
Uncooked Feel BetterUncooked Feel Better Cards
if i was granted one wish i'd wish for you to feel better. actually, never mind. i can't waste my one wish on you. |
Uncooked Miss YouUncooked Miss You Cards
maybe we can't see each other every single day but at least we can still see. those poor blind people can't see anybody ever. |
Uncooked Thank YouUncooked Thank You Cards
thank you so much for my lovely gift and for not cheaping out on me like some other people i know. |
Uncooked ParentsUncooked Parents - Mother's Day and Father's Day Cards
dad i promise that when you get old and gross i won't put you in one of those smelly nursing homes. i'll let you come and live with me. if there's room. |
Uncooked ValentineUncooked Valentine Cards
it's valentine's day and i'm so happy we're together. but if you ever leave me i'll kill you. like, literally, i'll stab you. |
Uncooked ChristmasUncooked Christmas Cards
wishing you a very merry christmas from me and santa. and if you tell anyone i still believe in santa, i'll cut you. |

































