Rude Cards


Not Safe for Work cards

...unless you work for the publishers of these cards, then you should be ok.

(Please note: If you're easily offended, then now would probably be a good time to fuck off)

All cards are blank inside, unless otherwise stated.
 


Bob for Apples

Personalised Greetings Cards


Bob for Apples

Ref: 342606



BOB FOR APPLES

inside: Happy birthday!
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

If only...

Personalised Greetings Cards


out of stock

If only...

Ref: 342605



If only

inside: Happy birthday! Hope it's a big one!
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Eskimo fellatio

Personalised Greetings Cards


Eskimo fellatio

Ref: 341656



Eskimo kiss

Eskimo fellatio

inside: Sorry to rub your nose in it but you're another year older!
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Doesn't fit

Personalised Greetings Cards


Doesn't fit

Ref: 330225



The nice young man
at the store said you
can take it back
if it doesn't fit

inside: Hope your birthday's a real big one!
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Squeezed your way

Personalised Greetings Cards


out of stock

Squeezed your way

Ref: BG007



HAPPY BIRTHDAY

inside:
I can't believe it
was just ____ years ago today
that you squeezed your way
out of your mother's vagina.
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

A thousand

Personalised Greetings Cards


A thousand

Ref: BG022



MAY YOU LIVE
TO BE A THOUSAND.

inside:
And hopefully never grow tired of shitting yourself.
Because I've heard after 80,
you really lose control of your bowels.
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

birthday - sexy

Personalised Greetings Cards


birthday - sexy

Ref: UN036 bd



i hope you're ready to have a
sexy birthday because i have all
sorts of sexy things planned.
for example, i'm going to push
your butt cheeks together.

inside: happy birthday
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

birthday - cleavage

Personalised Greetings Cards


birthday - cleavage

Ref: UN028bd



take it from me, don't bother making a
birthday wish. every year i wish
for more cleavage and look at me,
i've got nothing.

inside: happy birthday
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

birthday - special birthday things

Personalised Greetings Cards


birthday - special birthday things

Ref: UN003 bd



today's your
birthday and
we should
do special
birthday
things like
eat pie
and swear.

inside: happy birthday
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

Happy Bloody Birthday!

Personalised Greetings Cards


Happy Bloody Birthday!

Ref: HMB6010



Happy
Bloody
Birthday!
Price: £2.35


Quantity:

Loved & Lost

Personalised Greetings Cards


Loved & Lost

Ref: HMB62



It's better to have loved and lost
Than to live with the Psycho
The rest of your life
Price: £2.35


Quantity:

Happy Birthday Bitch!

Personalised Greetings Cards


Happy Birthday Bitch!

Ref: HMB3003



Happy
Birthday
Bitch!
Price: £2.35


Quantity:

Tied up

Personalised Greetings Cards


Tied up

Ref: HMB7969



It's been so long since I've had sex,
I don't recall who gets tied up
Price: £2.35


Quantity:

Amazingly enough

Personalised Greetings Cards


Amazingly enough

Ref: HMB46



Amazingly enough
I don't give a shit
Price: £2.35


Quantity:

Erection

Personalised Greetings Cards


Erection

Ref: CH05



What do you have in your pocket?

Nothing. I'm having an erection.

Oh.
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Burying the Dog

Personalised Greetings Cards


out of stock

Burying the Dog

Ref: 02738



"I can't believe he's got a semi - we've
just buried the bloody dog!"
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

It's a shame

Personalised Greetings Cards


It's a shame

Ref: 02736



It was a shame that she had to dump
him - his cock was just too small.
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

Steve & Vanessa

Personalised Greetings Cards


Steve & Vanessa

Ref: 02756



Steve didn't mind acting like a twat if
it meant he'd get Vanessa in the sack.
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

Gorgeous Michelle

Personalised Greetings Cards


Gorgeous Michelle

Ref: 03823



Michelle was funny, popular, sporty
and gorgeous - what a bitch!
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

OMG

Personalised Greetings Cards


OMG

Ref: 03820



"OMG, I am like, sooo fuck-tastic!"
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

PMT

Personalised Greetings Cards


PMT

Ref: 04252



"No, she hasn't got PMT...
she's just a right bitch!"
Price: £2.50


Quantity:

Lovely wank

Personalised Greetings Cards


out of stock

Lovely wank

Ref: WO35



Happy Birthday

Why not celebrate
it with a lovely wank?

Have a good one.
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

loves cock

Personalised Greetings Cards


loves cock

Ref: WO034



WARNING
The person
reading this card
loves cock.

(lots of it.)
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Eggs in one basket

Personalised Greetings Cards


Eggs in one basket

Ref: EY001



Never put all your eggs in one basket.

Sleep around
It's fun
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Variety is...

Personalised Greetings Cards


Variety is...

Ref: EY020



Variety is the spice of life

Ask any swinger
(or your Parents)
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

No smoke...

Personalised Greetings Cards


No smoke...

Ref: EY005



No smoke without fire...
We all know you are gay!
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Mind

Personalised Greetings Cards


Mind

Ref: KMK037



Now... whose mind shall I
fuck with today.....?
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Opera

Personalised Greetings Cards


Opera

Ref: KMK201



I can just about see
your penis now.
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Fags & Dogging

Personalised Greetings Cards


Fags & Dogging

Ref: KMK216



How do you keep so slim?

With a simple daily diet of
booze, fags & dogging
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Terribly Butch

Personalised Greetings Cards


Terribly Butch

Ref: KMK222



He's terribly butch isn't he?

Yes. He gets it from his mother.
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Bird last night?

Personalised Greetings Cards


Bird last night?

Ref: KMK082



you shag that bird last night?

nah...it hadn't defrosted properly.
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Easily offended

Personalised Greetings Cards


Easily offended

Ref: KMK211



IF YOU'RE EASILY OFFENDED
NOW WOULD BE A REALLY
GOOD TIME TO
FUCK OFF
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Just one more thing...

Personalised Greetings Cards


out of stock

Just one more thing...

Ref: KMK062



Oh. There's just
one more thing.

You're a cunt
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

You shit glamour

Personalised Greetings Cards


You shit glamour

Ref: KMK BC26



You
shit
glamour
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Slut

Personalised Greetings Cards


Slut

Ref: KMK005



SLUT JUNKIE LESBIAN MAN
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

People Person

Personalised Greetings Cards


People Person

Ref: KMK016



Do I look like a
fucking 'people
person' ?!
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Cock

Personalised Greetings Cards


Cock

Ref: KMK023



This man has a huge cock.
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

wank chops

Personalised Greetings Cards


wank chops

Ref: WC049



Happy birthday
wank chops
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

fart Face

Personalised Greetings Cards


fart Face

Ref: WC006



Happy
birthday
fart Face
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

cock nose

Personalised Greetings Cards


cock nose

Ref: WC004



Happy
birthday
cock nose
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Wanker

Personalised Greetings Cards


Wanker

Ref: WC008



Happy
birthday
wanker
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

u ugly Twat

Personalised Greetings Cards


u ugly Twat

Ref: WC013



Happy
birthday
u ugly Twat
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Bell end

Personalised Greetings Cards


Bell end

Ref: WC002



Happy
birthday
Bell end
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Tiny Penis

Personalised Greetings Cards


Tiny Penis

Ref: WC012



Happy
birthday
to you and
Your Tiny
Penis
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Happy Fucking birthday

Personalised Greetings Cards


Happy Fucking birthday

Ref: WC032



Happy
Fucking
birthday
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Big Tits

Personalised Greetings Cards


Big Tits

Ref: WC003



Happy
birthday
big Tits
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Poo Face

Personalised Greetings Cards


Poo Face

Ref: TD028



HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
POO
FACE
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Wee

Personalised Greetings Cards


Wee

Ref: TD030



U
SMELL
OF
WEE
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Toss Pot

Personalised Greetings Cards


Toss Pot

Ref: TD026



HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
YOU
TOSS POT
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Birthday Slapper

Personalised Greetings Cards


Birthday Slapper

Ref: TD011



HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
SLAPPER
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Wank Chops

Personalised Greetings Cards


Wank Chops

Ref: TD010



HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
WANK
CHOPS
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Ikea

Personalised Greetings Cards


out of stock

Ikea

Ref: MT12



let's go to Ikea

fuck Ikea
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Read my sign?

Personalised Greetings Cards


Read my sign?

Ref: MT10



have you heard about Peter's new car?

no, have you read my sign?

[ FUCK OFF I'M NOT INTERESTED ]
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

For Sale sign

Personalised Greetings Cards


out of stock

For Sale sign

Ref: MT05



Ahh, Mr Tourette could you paint a For Sale sign for my house?

of course

[ WHORE ]

Oh my God, this is not what I wanted

what are you some sort of cunt? I still want paying
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Viagra

Personalised Greetings Cards


Viagra

Ref: OPD DR01



Did you just take a
Viagra
or are you
still
pleased...
to see me?

Happy Anniversary
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

A good thing

Personalised Greetings Cards


A good thing

Ref: Clay122



Martha knew she
had done a good thing.

inside:
Happy Birthday!
Let the good
times roll!
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Yoga

Personalised Greetings Cards


Yoga

Ref: Clay133



Betina thinks yoga is better than sex.

inside:
Happy Birthday
to you and your
twisted pussy.
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Johnny Depp - Pirate

Personalised Greetings Cards


Johnny Depp - Pirate

Ref: Clay371



Unfortunately for Maxine, the REAL
Johnny Depp was not available.

inside:
Arrgh!
Another Birthday!
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Frida

Personalised Greetings Cards


Frida

Ref: Clay224



Unibrow.
Unibra.

inside:
Unique you...
Happy Birthday
to one of a kind.
Price: £2.25


Quantity:

Fireman Dick

Personalised Greetings Cards


Fireman Dick

Ref: Clay167



Dick is here with his big dripping hose
to help you put out your birthday candles.

inside:
A really big fire
needs a really big hose!
(Have a FIVE ALARM Birthday!)
Price: £2.25


Quantity:









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