Rude Birthday Cards

Not Safe for Work cards

...unless you work for the publishers of these cards, then you should be ok.

(Pleases note: If you're easily offended, then now would probably be a good time to fuck off)

All cards are blank inside, unless otherwise stated.

Squeezed your way

Ref: BG007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

inside:
I can't believe it
was just ____ years ago today
that you squeezed your way
out of your mother's vagina.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

A thousand

Ref: BG022

MAY YOU LIVE
TO BE A THOUSAND.

inside:
And hopefully never grow tired of shitting yourself.
Because I've heard after 80,
you really lose control of your bowels.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

birthday - sexy

Ref: UN036 bd

i hope you're ready to have a
sexy birthday because i have all
sorts of sexy things planned.
for example, i'm going to push
your butt cheeks together.

inside: happy birthday

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

birthday - cleavage

Ref: UN028bd

take it from me, don't bother making a
birthday wish. every year i wish
for more cleavage and look at me,
i've got nothing.

inside: happy birthday

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

birthday - special birthday things

Ref: UN003 bd

today's your
birthday and
we should
do special
birthday
things like
eat pie
and swear.

inside: happy birthday

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Loved & Lost

Ref: HMB62

It's better to have loved and lost
Than to live with the Psycho
The rest of your life

Price: £2.35

Quantity:

It hurts

Ref: CH34

Women do: piercings, tatoos, face lifts, cesarean birth, liposuction, plucking of facial hair and eyebrows, and depilation with hot wax...

So how dare they tell you "it hurts" when you ask for some anal sex?!

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Burying the Dog

Ref: 02738

"I can't believe he's got a semi - we've
just buried the bloody dog!"

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Steve & Vanessa

Ref: 02756

Steve didn't mind acting like a twat if
it meant he'd get Vanessa in the sack.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Aliens

Ref: WO28

Happy Birthday!
Hope you're not
abducted by aliens
who fiddle with
your bits.

(Like last year.)

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Donkey Blowing

Ref: WO37

INFORMATION:
Please enjoy your
birthday but drink
responsibly.
(No blowing donkeys this year.)

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Please refrain

Ref: WO50

Please refrain
from playing
with yourself on
your birthday.

(Remember, we're watching you.)

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Fags & Dogging

Ref: KMK216

How do you keep so slim?

With a simple daily diet of
booze, fags & dogging

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Read my sign?

Ref: MT10

have you heard about Peter's new car?

no, have you read my sign?

[ FUCK OFF I'M NOT INTERESTED ]

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

For Sale sign

Ref: MT05

Ahh, Mr Tourette could you paint a For Sale sign for my house?

of course

[ WHORE ]

Oh my God, this is not what I wanted

what are you some sort of cunt? I still want paying

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Viagra

Ref: OPD DR01

Did you just take a
Viagra
or are you
still
pleased...
to see me?

Happy Anniversary

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

A good thing

Ref: Clay122

Martha knew she
had done a good thing.

inside:
Happy Birthday!
Let the good
times roll!

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Yoga

Ref: Clay133

Betina thinks yoga is better than sex.

inside:
Happy Birthday
to you and your
twisted pussy.

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Johnny Depp - Pirate

Ref: Clay371

Unfortunately for Maxine, the REAL
Johnny Depp was not available.

inside:
Arrgh!
Another Birthday!

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Fireman Dick

Ref: Clay167

Dick is here with his big dripping hose
to help you put out your birthday candles.

inside:
A really big fire
needs a really big hose!
(Have a FIVE ALARM Birthday!)

Price: £2.25

Quantity:

Blush Birthday Cards

Icon Birthday Cards

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Rude Birthday Cards

Not Safe for Work cards

Squeezed your way

A thousand

birthday - sexy

birthday - cleavage

birthday - special birthday things

Happy Bloody Birthday!

Loved & Lost

Happy Birthday Bitch!

God kills a kitten

It hurts

Erection

Fucking amazing

Fierce Bitch

HB Motherfucker

Burying the Dog

It's a shame

Steve & Vanessa

Gorgeous Michelle

OMG

PMT

Aliens

Lovely wank

loves cock

Drunken twatishness

Fanny Features

Donkey Blowing

Please refrain

Stinks

Eggs in one basket

Variety is...

No smoke...

Fags & Dogging

Terribly Butch

Bird last night?

He's Mine

Easily offended

Mind

Opera

Mistaken

Just one more thing...

You shit glamour

Jesus loves...

Slut

People Person

Porn's arrived!

More Gay

Cock

wank chops

fart Face

cock nose

Wanker

u ugly Twat

Bell end

Tiny Penis

Happy Fucking birthday

Big Tits

Shag Mum

Poo Face

Wee

Toss Pot

Birthday Slapper

Wank Chops

Ikea

Read my sign?

For Sale sign

Viagra

A good thing

Yoga

Johnny Depp - Pirate

Frida

Fireman Dick