Birthday - SPLIMPLE

Birthday Cards

SPLIMPLE! The wordiest of wordy word cards..!

Chunky embossed textured bright white board - 161mm x 145mm - Cool as you like yellow envelope. - Cello wrapped.

Splimple's paper manufacturer supports sustainable forest management. They also sponsor Trees for Life - and use chlorine-free bleaching processes which avoid harmful emissions into the environment.

You made it

Ref: SPL1006

You made it to another
birthday then?

A few more feet towards the grave,
a few more brain cells gone for good.
A few more names you can't recall,
a few more nights you wish you could.

A few more wrinkles on your face,
a few more hairs within your nose.
A few more pounds around your waist,
a few more bulges in your clothes.

A few more wee-wees in the night,
a few more vests to fight the cold.
A few more farts that just pop out,
a few more signs you're getting old.

inside:
Phew!
Price: £2.20

Quantity:

When was your birthday?

Ref: SPL1004

When was your birthday?

Yesterday?
The day before?
Last week?
Last month?
Next month?
Tomorrow?
A week tomorrow?

So long ago you no longer care?

inside:
I'm sure it's around now
Price: £2.20

Quantity:

18

Ref: SPL1061

18?
Suddenly the world is at your feet.

you can make a will, vote in the next election,
donate your body to science,
obtain a permit to sell fish from a market stall,
become a traffic warden,
keep a pet python, clean a public toilet,
go to an adult prison,
sell one of your kidneys, enter the priesthood -
or change your sex.

On the other hand...

inside:
... maybe a night abusing your body
in a binge of legal drinking might be
a more sensible way to enter the adult world.
Price: £2.20

Quantity:

70

Ref: SPL1053

Now you've reached
70

it's perfectly acceptable to be cantankerous
and set in your ways, you know.

And nobody expects you
to have an athletic physique,
or to be at the cutting edge of fashion.

I'm absolutely sympathetic to your
indifference to the internet, your erratic driving,
your occasionally dishevelled appearance
and why bits of you ache now and then.

I understand, I really do. I ask just one favour, that's all...

inside:
be a dear -
and don't start dribbling just yet.
Price: £2.20

Quantity:

80

Ref: SPL1052

I said, "I hear you're
80

Eighty.
I hear you're eighty.
Weighty?
No - I didn't say you're fat...
I said I hear you're eighty.
E-I-G-H-T-Y. Eighty -
I hear you're ruddy-well eighty.
Nothing hurts?
I didn't say you were achey -
I said I hear you're eighty.
EIGHTY.
I hear you're eighty."

inside:
Oh forget it.
Happy birthday.
Price: £2.20

Quantity:

90

Ref: SPL1059

90
You're spoilt, so you are

You get a free bus pass,
a free TV license, free flu jabs,
a winter fuel allowance and free eye tests.
You even get half price cinema tickets
... and still you find things to complain about.
Quite right too...

inside:
... the buses never run on time,
the TV's not worth watching,
you've got a permanent cold,
the house is always freezing,
you can never find your glasses
... and nobody's made a decent film since
that wonderful Clark Gable movie in 1957
when he fell in love with Betty Grable
in a Lyons Corner house
(or was it Katherine Hepburn?)
Price: £2.20

Quantity: