Bald Guy Birthday Cards

Refreshingly honest, sometimes brutal, always sarcastic, but never the less very caring cards.
Ian Kalman & Sean Farrell of San Francisco, California, a snarky greeting card partnership that lovingly tell it like it is.

7" x 5" - green envelope - not cello wrapped - recycled board

Special Friend

Ref: BG070

For my special friend
on your Birthday

inside:
Part of me calls you my special friend
because you're special to me.
But part of me calls you that
because it makes you sound retarded.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Sincerely hope

Ref: BG095

I sincerely hope you have a fantastic birthday.

inside:
If I weren't sincere, I probably would have just
written on your Facebook wall.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Oprah's Favorite

Ref: BG125

This is Oprah's favorite birthday card.

inside:
Not the super famous Oprah. The other one.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Lazy Moron

Ref: BG122

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
you stupid, worthless,
no good, lazy moron.

inside:
Of course, I'm kidding. You're not lazy.
Happy Birthday.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

From Us

Ref: BG018

Happy Birthday from us.

inside:
Sure the card says "from us,"
but I think we both know who bought the card
and who just signed their name.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Clown

Ref: BG006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

inside:
Okay, I'm not sure if this will work, but lets try it.

1. Act like you're reading something personal I wrote in your card.
2. After a couple of seconds, laugh as though I wrote something very funny. In fact, tilt your head back when you laugh so it looks extremely funny.
3. Now nod your head as though I wrote something very serious and heartfelt. Maybe touch your heart and exhale, but don't make it look forced.
4. Okay, now close the card, look at me and mouth the words,
"thank you."

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Family Member

Ref: BG091

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
FAMILY MEMBER.

inside:
I'm sorry this isn't very personalized.
I wasn't sure who in the family I was going to give it to.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Happy Birthdays

Ref: BG110

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS

inside:
Yes, that was "Birthdays" in the plural.
Please consider this your birthday card
for the next five years.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Funniest birthday card

Ref: BG111

I found the funniest
birthday card I've ever seen.

inside:
Unfortunately, it was 25 cents more than this one
and I didn't really see the point.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Paper Birthday

Ref: BG115

Happy Birthday

inside:
Just so you know,
I like you way more than all those douche-bags
that just wrote on your Facebook wall.
I mean come on; I bought you a piece of folded paper.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Happy Belated Birthday - 2002

Ref: BG096

HAPPY
BELATED
BIRTHDAY

inside:
I'm not going to lie to you;
this card is way later than you think.
It's actually for your birthday in 2002.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Can't believe

Ref: BG080

I can't believe
you're a year older.

inside:
Well, until I look at you.
After that, it totally makes sense.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

To Yu

Ref: BG082

Happy Birthday
to Yu.

inside:
That is not a typo.
This card is actually a huge seller in China.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

You've aged

Ref: BG078

You've aged.

inside:
But haven't we all?
It's just weird how it's so much more obvious on you.
Oh yeah, Happy Birthday.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Best Birthday Card Ever

Ref: BG048

THE
BEST
BIRTHDAY
CARD
EVER!

inside:
Well, it might not be the best birthday card ever,
but it's definitely the most confident.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Very Happy

Ref: BG058

VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

inside:
That's right. Most cards just say, "Happy Birthday."
This one says, "Very Happy Birthday."
because I care more than everyone else.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Something small

Ref: BG034

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

inside:
I was thinking about it and I don't think
we're close enough friends for a gift yet.
But here's a card.
Maybe next year, I'll get you something small.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Money inside

Ref: BG102

Everyone loves a birthday card
with money inside.

inside:
Unfortunately, this is not one of those cards.
But man, everyone loves those, right?

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

May you get

Ref: BG106

May you get
your birthday wish.

inside:
I'd recomment wishing for something small though.
You know, something that God
would actually give someone like you.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Getting old

Ref: BG104

You're not getting old.

inside:
You've been old for a while.
Now you're just getting closer to death.
Happy Birthday though.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Mr. Pickles

Ref: BG059

Happy Birthday

inside:
Are you reading this card or just staring at it?

Here's a test
If you really are reading it, look at me and say,
"I think I'm gonna buy a cat and name it Mr. Pickles."

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Make a wish

Ref: BG069

Don't forget to make a wish before you blow out your candles.

inside:
Just don't expect your wish to come true.

Unless of course your wish is for the candles
to go out when you blow on them.

Then you have a pretty good chance.

Happy Birthday.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Some cultures

Ref: BG081

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

inside:
By now you've probably noticed
there is no gift attached to this card.

Just remember, in some cultures,
an inexpensive greeting card
is considered extremely thoughtful.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

A thousand

Ref: BG022

MAY YOU LIVE
TO BE A THOUSAND.

inside:
And hopefully never grow tired of shitting yourself.
Because I've heard after 80,
you really lose control of your bowels.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

One in a million

Ref: BG019

You're
one in a million.

inside:
But don't get too excited.
Statistically, that means there are
6,700 people exactly like you.
Happy Birthday.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

I couldn't be happier

Ref: BG094

It's your birthday
and I couldn't be happier.

inside:
Mostly because your age makes me feel
so much better about my age.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Best Friend

Ref: BG020

Happy Birthday to my best friend.

inside:
I'm kidding, you're like my 3rd best friend,
but they don't sell cards that say that.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Happy Birthday

Ref: BG049

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

inside:
Today, we celebrate your life and all you've become.
So please don't let us down like you used to, okay?

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Squeezed your way

Ref: BG007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

inside:
I can't believe it
was just ____ years ago today
that you squeezed your way
out of your mother's vagina.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

I'm so happy

Ref: BG090

I'm so happy
you were born.

inside:
Not so much because I'm a huge fan of yours,
but I'd hate to think of you still being inside your mother.

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Sorry Vulture

Ref: BG086

I'm sorry

inside:
You're always right and I'm always wrong.
You're the best and I'm the worst.
You're great at everything and I suck at everything.
Are you happy now?

Price: £2.50

Quantity:

Uncooked Birthday Cards

Simon Drew Birthday Cards

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